The Misinterpretation of Dreams

Obviously Great Love is the ultimate goal and I know that only Great Love will do. Cos settling for whatever comes along is just not good enough. But while I’m waiting for Great Love, can I have some not-so-great love? A fling? Or does waiting for Great Love mean I have to close my eyes and ears to all trivial temptation? The thing is that the single life can get lonely. Companionship is so cosy.

What I miss most about having a boyfriend is the end of day conversations. Around 22h00 when everything’s winding down and the day is over, it’s nice to have someone to talk to about the day. Someone who’s going to side with you over every disagreement, reassure you about any mistakes and end off the conversation with words of endearment.

I know that I’m not over my ex yet, but does being with someone else make getting over an ex easier or harder? Is it wrong to be with someone who you know is never going to be the one? Someone to call me at the end of the day, or even sms. Someone who wonders if I’m back from my weekend away yet. Then, how and when would you end this kind of relationship? (Cos you know from the beginning that it’s going to end!) Is it possible for someone like this to actually become something more than you ever expected? Or is Great Love obviously great, right from the start?

So, in less than 3 weeks’ time I will be on holiday in Vancouver! I am looking so forward to it. I can’t believe that today I’m in one of the most rural places in South Africa and in almost no time at all I’ll be in one of the biggest cities in North America! I’m also hoping to spend a day at least in Seattle while in that area. And then when I get back it will be the end of October, and less than 2 months til Christmas! I can’t believe how fast this year has gone by. The thing is that I’ve started to stress about the end of year holidays, Christmas in particular… I’ve been torturing myself listening to John Mayer’s St Patrick’s Day: “…no one wants to be alone at Christmas time…” And while I know I’m torturing myself and should stop listening to the song, I still play it again!

The truth is that the holidays are not the same when you’re alone. Yes, I won’t be completely alone, I’ll probably be around friends and maybe family, but there will be no one who’s mine and all mine spending Christmas day with me. I know I’m being silly and I will survive the festive season, but now I know that time of year is so much better when you’re not alone. As people who know me know, I like to control things. This, unfortunately, is something over which I have no control. Alas, I can’t magically conjure up the perfect guy for myself to spend the festive season with. I suppose I’ll have to do the usual: smile bravely during the day and cry alone at night. Then before I know it, the festive season will be over and Valentine’s Day will be rolling around!

Ah, the holidays!