The Misinterpretation of Dreams

When you work in any medical field, you begin to appreciate free weekends. The thing is that patients don’t stop getting sick after working hours, and so there always has to be SOMEONE on call. Now on call can mean anything from being in the hospital for 24hours without a break, to sitting at home waiting to be called in. There’s a bit of a pecking order, and most often the intern at the bottom of the food chain is stuck in the hospital doing all the dirty work, while the consultant (or specialist) is able to give telephonic advice from home and only come into the hospital if specifically asked to by a junior doctor who feels he or she can’t handle the situation. It’s almost guaranteed that the longer you have been a doctor, the higher you climb on the ladder and so the less hours you spend in the hospital on weekends, but this is more the case in some specialties than others. It’s common knowledge that a dermatologist is less likely to be awake at 03h00 than a surgeon. But it’s not only the doctors who have to sacrifice weekends and sleeping hours; to run a good after hours service a hospital also needs nurses, cleaners, porters, laboratory technicians, radiographers, and even physiotherapists.

So when we do have a free weekend, there’s a lot of thought that goes into what to do with it. Getting a good balance right can be tricky. You often want to forget about work completely, and especially when you work in a rural area, you want to get out of the area completely. But you don’t want to get back to work on Monday morning feeling more tired than you did on Friday afternoon, because most likely you’re not going to get much sleep during the coming weekend. The point is that, for me, a lot of thought often goes into what I do with my weekends. My free time has become most precious to me.

This weekend gone by, was a particularly interesting one for me:

I did quite a bit of traveling. A good friend, whom I worked with for two years during my internship in Worcester, got married this weekend. The wedding was in the Midlands in KZN and three other friends flew in from the Western Cape. We had a mini reunion in KZN. I met the bride for the first time at the wedding, quite honestly I wasn’t impressed. This wedding convinced me, even more, that I don’t want a traditional wedding. I just want to elope to an island where the rand can buy me 5 star living for two weeks, come back and announce I’m married and then have a huge party to celebrate and show everyone the pictures. So many brides just look so unhappy at their weddings, except when they’re plastering on the smile for the pictures. And oh how I hate those posed pictures!!! At this wedding the bride had a list of pictures that needed to be taken, who would be in them and in what order they would be taken! During this time I amused myself by trying to figure out the family dynamics, assumptions are often more entertaining than the truth.

I added one year to my age- I am now officially 26 years old. It’s such a big number! I can see the wrinkles starting to appear, mostly my smile lines are more visible, but I’m telling myself that’s not a bad thing. I spent my birthday swinging between trees in Karkloof forest. It was an amazing experience. (Check it out at www.karkloofcanopytours.co.za)  I thought I’d be scared, but you wear a full body harness and helmet, you’re strapped in tight and you feel so safe. There are about 4 guides with you and the view is so beautiful, that when it ended I was disappointed. But we seemed to have had perfect timing. As the last people in our group crossed the last slide, we heard thunder and saw clouds rolling in. We had a short walk back to the base camp through the forest and over a stream. In aid of holding onto my youth (and not slipping and hitting my head on a rock) I took off my shoes and squelched my toes in the mud and put my feet into the cold stream water. We ended off with a light lunch on the verandah watching the rain pelt down.

I added three books to my personal library: A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth (a birthday present); Shataram by Gregory David Roberts and Before Mandela was Mandela by Eric Myeni. Unfortunately I have to hold off on starting any of them just yet, I’m really chomping at the bit for Shantaram because I have been meaning to do it for a while, but it’s 933 pages long and I can’t NOT finish a book, so I had to be sure I was ready. For now I have to exercise self discipline and stick to Clinical Anesthesiology, in particular the chapter on Local and Regional Anesthesia, because I have a presentation to do soon and also there’s the whole ‘Diploma in Anaesthetics’ (DA) thing that I decided I was doing and I can’t back out now. The problem with studying is that procrastination only makes it harder. ( But I suppose procrastination is a bit of a problem with anything that needs to be done.)

I added Tracy Chapman’s “Our Bright Future” to my music collection, but I was fortunate not to have to pay for that: I be a girl from the Caribbean!!
So far my favourite track is Conditional. I must agree that love IS conditional; there ARE strings attached. And that’s the way it should be. Only God, parents and dogs can be expected to love unconditionally.

How many times have you woken up in the morning wishing you could just take the day off and not have to go to work? Well, I am pleased to say that so far this year, in my new job, it has not yet happened once. It could be that it’s because it’s a new job, new place, new challenge (I like new things!!) but I’m hoping that it’s because I enjoy what I’m doing so much!!
Nevertheless, last night I was pleasantly surprised by an sms from a senior colleague telling me I could take the day off today and she would cover for me. Our department provides an epidural service to the labour ward at the hospital: suitable candidates in labour are eligible to receive an epidural as pain management. I was scheduled to do epidurals for today. There’s just one small problem with this seemingly wonderful service- it’s not what the midwives are used to. And so, as with all new development, there is quite a bit of resistance. From a nursing perspective it means more work, the midwife has to check on the woman in labour more regularly. A woman’s pain levels are used as an assessment tool by many midwives, so if she’s not in excruciating pain, then it kind of throws off their assessment. Also, if the woman can’t feel the contractions, then she has to be coached more carefully through the delivery by the midwives who have to actually stand and feel when she’s having a contraction and tell her to push. At the end of the day, all this means is that there is a certain amount of reluctance from the labour ward as far as epidurals are concerned. They’re not banging on our door begging for us to come and give the women epidurals. Instead, whenever I’ve been scheduled to do epidurals, I have to regularly run up to labour ward and check if there are any eligible candidates. So far I have not yet done one epidural!! What usually happens is that you spend the day floating around between theatre and ICU, helping out wherever an extra hand may be needed and checking on labour ward every now and then. My senior colleague promised she would call me if she was so lucky as to find an epidural for me to do, but that I shouldn’t come in to work otherwise.

Well, of course I had no idea what to do with my unexpected weekday off, and spent a few minutes feeling guilty about it, but then I chatted to a friend who reminded me how we worked our fingers to the bone during internship and community service and convinced me I deserved a day off for all that overtime I was never paid for!! I decided to make the day a little pre birthday present to myself.

So this morning I turned off my alarm when it went off, rolled over and went back to sleep without feeling guilty. I eventually woke up at 7 when a friend who’s visiting KZN for the weekend called to ask what time would be suitable for his return flight, as I’m dropping him off at the airport. It was a beautiful sunny day, so I put on my running shoes, grabbed my iPod and hit the road. No, I’m not an exercise freak, I just like to eat chocolate cake and brownies and I can’t give up wine, but I still want to fit into my little black dress. I don’t like running much and I don’t get very far before I feel like I’m going to die, but my bike’s still in storage, so I don’t have much of an alternative. After my very short run I decided the beach was in order and then a little shopping for some kitchen appliances. I packed my bag and naively took R500 from my drawer, thinking it would be enough to buy me a decent microwave.
I didn’t last long on the beach, the sun was beautiful, but the wind was just a little bit too much. I don’t really like the feeling of being persistently hit by fine grains of sand, and reading is not much fun in those conditions either. So after a short swim, off to the mall I went.

I walked to either end of the mall, to compare prices at Game and House and Home. The cheapest microwave I could find was R529, and I didn’t like it. I happened upon a bra boutique, and found the bras much more appealing than the microwaves, and for R500 I could get bras two and have some change. Also the sales ladies in the bra boutique were much more helpful than the guys in Game, who assumed that because I was wearing shorts and flip flops I probably couldn’t afford their stuff. Not that they were wrong, but you shouldn’t judge a customer by the way they’re dressed, and anyway they had no idea what my microwave budget was! Yes, I felt guilty about the unplanned spending on a luxury like lingerie, but I recently read in Elle that good bras are important to have, even if no one’s gonna see them anytime soon.

After investing in beautiful bras I decided to head off to the reptile park in Izotsha, which claims to be the biggest reptile park in Africa, it’s called Pure Venom. It’s about 9km from Port Shepstone. I discovered that going to a reptile park alone can be a bit strange, to say the least. I have no problem doing movies on my own, I can sit in a restaurant on my own, I can do walks on the beach on my own and smile in greeting at the couples I pass. But at a reptile park, or any kind of animal park for that matter, I think you need someone to comment to about the amazing stuff you see. And so I found myself commenting to anyone who happened to be nearby. Or I would stop one of the workers who happened to be walking by and strike up a conversation. Let’s just say I got some funny looks, even from the old people who normally give me “Ag shame” smiles. I had fun nonetheless. The most interesting animals, I thought, were the green iguanas. They were huge. I also had a nice conversation with the guy cleaning the Nile Crocodile water hole and alerted one of the other workers that there was a goat loose down at the animal farm area. (I think they find it cheaper to have their own supply of food for the reptiles, so there’s an animal farm area with rabbits and pigs and goats and ducks, but they denied that it’s the reptile food supply when I asked!)

After Pure Venom I decided to try the beach again and see if the wind had died down. It hadn’t, but the waves are quite impressive when the wind is a bit strong, so I braved the wind and ate a sandwich while I watched the waves. Then I decided that the perfect way to end off a girly day was with a girly movie, the best one showing in my little town: “He’s Just Not That Into You”
So back to the mall I headed and used my ex boyfriend’s Ster Kinekor Discovery Club Card and got my ticket for only R10. (I’ll take it as an early birthday present from him, but shhhh, don’t tell Discovery, I might be arrested for fraud!) It’s just that I used to keep the movie cards in my purse cos we always went to the movies together and he would’ve misplaced the card. I just haven’t gotten round to giving it back to him. I don’t think he would go to the movies on his own anyway, and if he’s trying to impress some new girl at the movies, then he should fork out. Heeheehee!
And how can I be expected to resist getting a discounted movie ticket when I have the card in my purse?!!! The price of movie tickets these days is absolutely ridiculous!

Anyway, I’ll promise to dissect the movie at a later stage. All in all my day, out on my own was most enjoyable. While waiting for the movie to start, I sat down at a coffee shop and had some pancakes (only because they had no chocolate cake or brownies) and coffee. I have to mention that I love the little packets of sugar Huletts supplies to most restaurants and coffee shops that are left on the table. On the one side of the packet are printed words of wisdom. I think they were designed to keep single people occupied while they wait for their coffee. I recently learned a little trick to make those words of wisdom entertaining: just add “IN BED” on at the end. Here are a few examples:
Mahatma Ghandhi: Be the change you want to see in the world. IN BED
Bernard Baruch: Whatever you do, do it with all your heart and soul. IN BED
And the best one- Ernest Hemingway: Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is. IN BED!!

If you don’t get an unexpected weekday off handed to you, I really encourage pulling a sickie once in a while, I’ll supply the doctor’s note!

Today I decided to go into some car dealerships and see what they had to offer. They told me quite openly that the book value for my car was R33 000 but they would give me R20 000! Talk about daylight robbery. Then to add insult to injury they point out that if I’m willing to pay R3000 per month on car installments, all I can afford are the bottom of the range cars, even after trading in my Clio and paying in an extra R20 000!!!
 
I decided to test drive these bottom of the range cars: the Ford Fiesta and the Mazda 2.
The Ford Fiesta feels like a piece of plastic on wheels. The steering wheel is uncomfortably thin, I felt like I would bump my head against the windscreen if I leaned forward slightly, if I pulled the sunshade down I could hardly see through the windscreen!!
The Mazda 2 was better, it was a 1.3 engine, but felt like it had more power than the 1.4 Fiesta! The steering wheel was more comfortable as well as the space, the gear lever was very interestingly placed and it had an alarm, which the Fiesta didn’t! But still, it is not the prettiest car I’ve ever seen. The back is ugly and the wheels are terrible, they have these plastic hub cap things attached to them. And this is valued at more than R140 000!! It’s absolutely ludicrous! I’m sorry, but I absolutely refuse to pay so much money for such suboptimal product.

So I’m gonna hold onto my little rattling piece of French design for now. I think my problem is that I’m a snob with no money. If I knew how to pack enough pairs of shoes for a weekend away into a rucksack, I’d head over to the Vespa shop.

I hate making big decisions for myself, I’m always looking for a sign to point me in the right direction. I can make big decisions about other people’s lives and health as part of my job, but that’s usually because there ARE signs pointing me in the right direction. (maybe that’s what I really love about medicine,the signs, actually never thought about it before!) When a patient presents, the first thing you do is take a history to find out the symptoms, then you do a physical examination to look for signs of disease that tie in with (or sometimes dispute) the history. And that’s how you make your diagnosis most times, the investigations you do usually only serve to confirm the diagnosis or to give a better idea of the extent and severity of the disease. Medicine is all about  signs and symptoms. I wish real life was the same.

At the moment I have this huge decision to make: do I buy a new car? After a year of driving to and from Ingwavuma and Manguzi, my car is in a sad state. I own a 1999 Renault Clio, she’s pretty but getting on in years now and her French designer definitely did not envision her negotiating potholed roads in northern KwaZulu Natal, nevermind dirt roads!!! So now she’s a bit battered and rattles a lot and doesn’t like to start the first time I turn the key. I took her to the local Renault Service Centre in Port Shepstone and they balked. They called me up at work to tell me that they had never seen anything like it before! Apparently the back brakes were metal to metal, they didn’t know how I had driven her safely. The rattling noise I was hearing was because my front shocks were loose and needed to be replaced and my CV joints also needed to be replaced. The above problems and parts are just the ones I can remember, all that matters to me is that it’s going to cost around R14 000 to fix! After that I will probably still need to get myself new wheels!

So what do I do?
1) Do I pay R14 000  fix my Clio? I’ve grown attached to her, but she really is getting old now and chances are that a few months down the line there will be something else that’s going to need fixing that’s going to cost me a few thousand rands again. The advantage with having an old car is that I don’t have a huge monthly payment, but is this negated by the cost of frequent fixing?
2) Do I trade my Clio in and use the R14 000 together with the trade in as a good down payment on a new and more reliable car? I’m just afraid to commit myself to another huge monthly payment. Paying a bond is stressful enough, and at least a house is an asset, a car is anything but!

I need a sign!! Or some sound advice would do too. Anyone???

I have a very dear friend whom I have had dreams about twice in the last few weeks! It’s quite funny, and yesterday he jokingly suggested that I blog about it. So that’s what I’ve decided to do!

In the first dream I found a gun under his mattress and was quite surprised! It was kept in a white cardboard box along with the ammunition. I was very upset about it because I thought that it wasn’t safe at all.
In the second dream he had died on a train and all I wanted to do was keep his puppy, but his mother refused! Again I was very upset, I think mostly because his family was dismissive of the importance of our friendship, they didn’t think I deserved to get anything.
He has two possible “interpretations” of my dreams:
1) I’m dreaming about his “weapon” and I want to have his puppies!!!
2) The emotion that is felt during the dream is actually what the dream is about, in both dreams I was upset, so there’s something that I’m upset with him about.

I’m not quite sure why I’ve had these dreams, I don’t place too much importance on the meanings of dreams I have while I’m sleeping. It’s the ones I have while awake that are more important to me.
Possibly the first dream could be about me fearing for his safety, because he recently bought a superbike that’s got more power than he can really handle, he’s a bit skinny. I’m not really sure what the second dream could be about, maybe something similar- fearing for his safety, or maybe literally that I’m afraid no one knows how important our friendship is.
I certainly don’t believe dreams are predictive in anyway.

Nevertheless, maybe I should take this opportunity to let my dear friend and everyone else know how much his friendship means to me.

We’ve known each other for around 7 years now, during which time we’ve gone through periods of frequent contact as well as sometimes not speaking to each other for a year. He’s a bit of a strange but very interesting character. He’s a real nerd, but denies it vehemently. He started a blog about computers and technology and all that mumbo jumbo a few years ago. When I read it I told him it was stupid and the concept of blogging was dumb. Then about a year later when I started blogging he was my first and one of my most regular readers! When I broke up with my boyfriend he was the male opinion I sought. I know he’s terrible at relationships, I think he will remain a bachelor until about 50 and then marry a divorcee with money, but he always listens to my troubles and voices a neutral opinion without passing judgement. I know I’ve even piled my issues on him sometimes while he’s busy at work!! And even then he makes as if he’s listening to me. When he thinks I’m getting too tangled up he distracts me with weird topics that he knows I can talk about like gynaecomastia and haemorrhoids. It could be that he changes the subject because he has a short attention span and is getting tired of my story. Whatever the case, it works to distract me. In the past few months he’s made time to have some form of conversation with me almost everyday, whether by Windows Live Messenger, sms or phone call. Quite honestly, he’s made it easier for me to survive through some of the tough times.
Dear friend, if you didn’t know yet, I love you lots and really appreciate all your support.

Now does this blog entry get me a top of the range blender for my birthday or what??!!